Date Tomorrow Night

It is kind of a blind date for me, but not for the young lady. I am always really busy with my Danse stuff and everything so I don't go out on too many dates, but I got a call this morning from one of the entertainers from Open Mic show last night. Evidently she liked what she saw, because she wants to get together for dinner tomorrow night. I wasn't paying very much attention to the other performers, so I don't remember her, but I am looking forward to our date.

"Open Mic Night" Not Really Open

So I wandered into The Dregs coffee house yesterday and there was a sign on the door for "Open Mic Night tonight. Music and Performance Art." Naturally, I went back that night. By the time I figured out what was going on, about 15 people had signed up ahead of me, so I waited and watched all of these very angry women play guitar and sing about all of their failed relationships. The scene was not what I would call cheery (and it was easy to see why their relationships failed) but I felt it was a good vibe for the Blues Danse. When my turn finally came up, I decided to do an a capella danse number - no music. Since it seemed like each of the other performers sang three songs at about five minutes apiece, I selected a routine that was 15 - 20 minutes in length. First, a few in the audience kept clapping during the natural pauses in the routine. Then, after only ten minutes the dude who introduces everyone tried to interrupt my number by telling me, "time's up, let's wrap it up." Finally, one of the pissed-off chicks came up and pushed me off the stage. It was incredibly rude, but suddenly everyone was clapping loudly and cheering, so I guess they liked me. I might go back there next Thursday night.

Blues Danse Defined (Part 6)

On Wednesdays we devote a little time to discuss our favorite topic, Blues Danse. Today, we do a scientific comparison of three different types of dance (or Danse):

Why Didn't I Think of That?

You know when someone comes up with an idea or product that is so brilliant that - as soon as you hear about it - you just want to spank your own butt for not thinking of it first? I had one of those experiences today. There are many pieces of equipment that a Blues Danser uses but this is one of those products that I have been waiting for, practically all of my life. And I didn't even know it. Awesome is one of those words that is so overused that it's real meaning has been diluted. An awesome thing actually causes one to be stricken with awe. Today, I was awe struck. Drum roll please.....

....I really can't do it justice, so please check it out for yourself. Awesome. Just awesome.

I Am My Own Victim

I apologize for not posting anything for the past couple of days. I was in no mood to write. In fact, I didn't even go near the computer. I pretty much just sat on my couch and nursed my bruises. You see, late Friday night I was the victim on a brutal stubbing. And as much as my toes hurt, my ego was bruised even more. I practically wrote the book on apartment/danse studio etiquette, but I broke my own rule and paid dearly for it. The details are not important. Let's just say I was too tired and lazy to turn on a light and, on the way to the bathroom, decided to zwirl in the pitch blackness of the room. I still get a little sick to my stomach when I think about the pain. But I am limping around now and I am healed enough to get back to work.

These Attacks Are Getting Old

Don’t you hate it when you walk into a room and are unexpectedly and viciously attacked by a cockatiel? It just happened to me again over the weekend. I had to go to the walk-in clinic and get a stitch in my ear lobe. I didn’t know you could get just one stitch. This makes the fourth bird attack that I have suffered in my lifetime; three from cockatiels and one from a hummingbird. The first two times were at my Nanna’s place. Her cockatiel, Son-of-Sammy, was so possessive that I could never go near my Nanna without some kind of incident. Son-of-Sammy actually drew blood twice. Then there was the time I was enjoying brunch on a lovely outdoor patio when a hummingbird repeatedly dive-bombed me. It escalated to the point where I had to leave the table. There were nine people in our group and I was the only one attacked. Finally, there was this latest incident on Sunday with Tom Cruise, a Flaming Blue (cockatiel) belonging to my neighbor. The antibiotics seem to be killing the infection but the whole area is still petty bruised and have to sleep on my back.

Giving Back to My Community

As a community service, I am providing 160 hours of free Danse instruction for kids from poor neighborhoods in my area. Some of these kids are already talented dancers. They have spent hours dancing with friends and teaching each other different moves, but they lack formal training. That is where my community service comes in. We have a little trouble understanding each other because most of them have fairly strong accents, even though they have been in Anaheim since birth. They normally dance to music with a very strong beat. They called it hip hoc music. I thought that it might be good work up a Blues Danse routine to some hip hoc but none of kids had a cassette tape with the hip hoc tunes (they are all going with the CDs these days) and my time is pretty limited since I only have to do 160 hours of community service. No problem, though. We'll just use my regular music tapes.

Blues Danse Defined (Part 5)

On Wednesdays we devote a little time to discuss our favorite topic, Blues Danse. Our focus today is mental preparation.

Everyone knows that a skilled Blues Danser must be physically prepared for every performance, but some underestimate the importance of being mentally prepared as well. I believe that a well-rested mind is critical to a good performance. I personally achieve the proper mental rest through a specialized form of meditation that I call the Couch and TV method. I find that, if I lie on the couch and turn on the TV, my mind begins to settle. My eyes close as I move into a meditative state. Most of the time I lose track of time completely and when I come back to consciousness I find that it has been two hours or more. I have made this meditation a habit. Even during the weeks or months when I don’t have a scheduled performance, I try to meditate in this fashion each afternoon.

I Love Being a Teacher

Being a Danse teacher has many rewards. Working with the kids helps to keep me young. By watching them interact and listening to their speech, I learn the latest lingo and it helps me to stay in touch with the kids while I teach them Blues Danse. We learn from each other. For example, when they say, “this danse move is bad,” they actually mean the move is good. When they say, “that girl looks hot,” they really mean she looks good. It has nothing to do with her temperature. I know this because I verified it with the kids. And when they say, “you look ridiculous in those shorts,” they mean that I look good in these shorts. Maybe even hot. A lot of times, kids can see the plain truth much more easily than adults.

The Zwirl

Many dancers twirl. I don’t twirl. Why? Because I have elevated the twirl to a new level of subtle complexity. In fact, what I do should no longer be referred to as a twirl at all. I call my move the zwirl. Check out my video demonstration of the zwirl. Ordinary dancers twirl. Blues Dansers zwirl.

Time Change Change: Nobody Told Me!

What happened? Since when can the President just change the time of day? And why didn't the TV news report this beforehand? I have, like, three different clocks that I have to change this morning - not including my watch - and I just now realized that I missed breakfast! On Sundays, I always drive thru Niko's for Apple Flapjack Falafels - which they stopped serving at 10:30. I could have made it there for breakfast if the President hadn't changed the time without warning anyone and now I am starving, because I should have eaten an hour ago. Just when the guy is winning everyone's confidence, he pulls a stunt like this. Maybe it's just the hunger talking, but I don't think I am going to vote for this guy next time.

Talk About Multi-Talented!

Who is it that everyone has on their iPod? Who is one of the great dancers of our time? Who could easily have retired years ago on the money that he made from his hit songs but chooses instead, to keep performing live shows for his adoring fans? Two words. Vanilla Ice. Do we call him Vanilla for short? Do we call him Ice? Or Van, or Illa? I think I'll call him La Ice. Here is a man who has never stopped entertaining the crowds. In fact, La Ice is performing tonight at Antones club in Beaumont, TX. He has a recent record that he chose to put on a small label and distribute over the Internet, rather than to line the pockets of some major record company. Buy his CD here. But his music is just the beginning. La Ice is also a motocross rider...

And he is a tax expert, as well as a philatelist. So La Ice or Vanilla or Ice? Keep living the dream and, whatever else you do, never stop dancing. Word to your Mother.

Celebrity Sighting: Burl Ives!

Late last night I had to make an emergency trip for ice cream and just as I was getting out of my car I caught a glimpse of someone in the shadows and I did a double-take. It was Burl Ives! He is a famous performer of all kinds of great songs. Most people remember him as Sam the Snowman on Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I always loved that show and my parents had his records when I was a kid. I approached him very politely and said, "Mr. Ives, I am a huge fan. Could I take a snapshot of you for my blog?" I guess he is getting pretty old, because he just gave me a weird look and walked away. It was still cool to meet him, though.

[Update] I have just been informed that Burl Ives unfortunately passed away in 1995. That explains why the guy last night didn't let me take his picture. Our thoughts and prayers are with the Ives family.

Clot Can't Stop Dick

I read that Dick Cheney has a clot in his leg. He looks like it smarts pretty good. I guess he was told that he is OK to keep working. It really makes me think. What if I got some kind of clot in my leg? I practically make my living with my legs. What good is a dancer with bad legs? That was a rhetorical question. I wonder how much it would cost to get my legs insured against clots? I was never good with civics; if Dick's clot got really bad, who would step in to run the country?

Blues Danse Defined (Part 4)

On Wednesdays we devote a little time to discuss our favorite topic, Blues Danse. Our focus today, is the use of stage props in Blues Danse.

Professional dancers understand the importance of using stage props in their act. A cane or whip or other object can play an important role in communicating the choreographer's vision. I have recently been working with live props, which are like any other props except that they are alive. While live props - when used properly- can add dimension to a performance, they can also prove to be a real challenge. The best (or worst) example of this occurred recently. I was preparing for my annual Potable Water's One-Man President's Day Blues Danse Experience, where I had intended to include a live prop named Matt Samfort. Matt cleans my studio/apartment and I give him free Danse lessons in return. I decided that he was ready to do some back-up dancing (as a live prop) during my one-man show. In fact, I had planned to use him for most of the numbers, including the big finale, Everyone Mount Rushmore. I felt that we were rehearsed and ready and then, as if in some nightmare, my prop quit the show and the performance was postponed for an entire year! The lesson here, is that live props may not be worth the hassle, so be careful.

Never Mind, War Kids

This is sort of a Good News/Bad News story. Last week I posted an article about my plans for helping out some kids that I saw on TV who were in a war zone in one of the middle-eastern counties and also get a big mirror that I need for the danse studio. Well, the Bad News is that I have received zero donations for the mirror and kids. The Good News is that I was looking through the Penny Saver last night and I found a used mirror that I can get for free if I just come and get off of this guy's ceiling and haul it away! So I'm sorry kids, but the fund-raiser has been canceled.

Danse Performance Stellar: Crowd Just So-So

As promised, a few lucky attendees of Lonny Tungrotts 53rd Birthday party were treated to an incredible performance on Sunday. Potable Water’s One-Man Birthday Blues Danse Experience did not disappoint, although the crowd did seem to be a little unappreciative. Also, Beth's enclosed patio was not nearly as big as she described it so I had to change my routine at the last moment. When Beth asked me to do this huge favor, she said she would be happy to pay me; and she will tell you that she did pay me. So what happened? I guess I am partly to blame for not getting a signed contact from my "friend" before hand. It's just that I was in such a good mood after the performance and when Beth asked me how much I wanted, I was feeling pretty confident and I said, "just pay me what you think is fair." Well obviously she and I have two different ideas about what is "fair."

Lonny, I hope you had a great birthday and enjoyed the performance because I will not be back. Beth, you spent plenty of money on food and cheaped out on the entertainment. I guess we both know where your priorities are.

Blues Danse Shorts - 3/2/07

Blues Danse Shorts are random tidbits that I lump into a single, fact-filled article.

I was looking for a parking space yesterday and I scored a meter with 45 minutes left on it! The Meter Frau saw me pull into the space and walk away without dropping any coinage and she raced over, only to be disappointed by my good fortune. Why do so many so-called dance stores sell tights for women and not for men? Believe me, you will never catch me wearing women’s tights. That would just be wrong. No, I'm sticking with men's tights. The DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) game is broken at Grady’s Fun Zone. I had some time left to kill on my meter so I tried out the jet ski race game and this little 8 year-old kid kicked my butt in eleven straight races. I told her that she did not realize how lucky she was that DDR was broken because I would have taken her down on DDR. I would have made her cry like a little girl.

Help the War-Torn Children

One of the worst things about war is the toll that it takes on innocent children and I think that all world citizens have the obligation to help where they can. I need to get a really big mirror for my dance studio/apartment and they cost a lot more money than I thought they did ($300), so I was feeling a little sorry for myself until I saw a news story about the war in Iran or Iraq or somewhere. When I saw the plight of these children in this war zone, I though something has to be done.

So I am starting a collection to help out. I am going to be accepting donations for about a month, and I will collect as much money as I can. With the first $300, I am going to get my mirror and then I am going to give EVERYTHING ELSE to some charity that helps out kids in war zones.

Blues Danse Defined (Part 3)

On Wednesdays we devote a little time to discuss our favorite topic, Blues Danse. Today I will focus on fame and how to deal with the fans.

Back in the day, the old blues singers worked hard for very little money or fame. They did not have people asking for signatures or pictures. In fact, many of these amazing performers were treated as second class citizens. They had to eat in the kitchens of restaurants where they were performing and sometimes ride on the back of busses or in separate train cars. I guess it is just something about the Blues, because I find that I am treated just like any ordinary person, or sometimes worse. The other possibility is that my fans are so in awe of me that they somehow put me on a pedestal and are too nervous to approach me.

In any case, if someone did ask me for my autograph I would definitely give it to them unless I was trying to enjoy a meal.

DDR Supernova Redefined

Kids love DDR (Dance Dance Revolution). It is an interactive video game that challenges the player to repeat all of the dance moves in time to the music. The better you can keep up, the higher your score. I have discovered a way to turn Dance Dance Revolution into Danse Danse Revolution. You just fire up the game and groove out to the beat - but with your own Blues Danse moves! Sure, you'll end up with a crappy score but instead of playing games, you will be creating art.

[Update] Someone just told me that DDR is old news and the new "big thing" is Guitar Hero II. Well I say, Guitar Hero? More like Guitar Zero.

Pardon Me Your Highness!

I do not understand the dating scene these days. I mean, what is with the attitude of these women? I thought chicks dug athletes and bad boys and I qualify on both counts, but lately…nothing. Are you even listening to me honey? I said a Blues Danser, not a ballet dancer. The blues are for tough-guys. And if they would ever be patient enough to watch my entire routine, they would not be so quick to say such nasty things and then quickly leave the bar or party or grocery store or post office.

Dance Review: The Oscars

I'll keep this short and sweet. The Academy Awards ceremony this year featured NOTHING in the way of Blues Danse performance. That makes 79 years in-a-row. The one pleasant surprise for dance fans on Sunday night was that there was also none of that tap dancing drivel. Allow me to be generous:

Rating: 6 stars out of 30

Mother Makes Ultimate Sacrifice For Son

ANAHEIM - When Linda Hynee first took her son, Stuart for a free Blues Danse lesson and evaluation, she had no idea how important that day would be for them both. "I just figured it was a free lesson and Stuart had been trying to get me to sign him up for sports, so what the heck," said Hynee. "Who would have guessed that my kid was a natural born Blues Dancer." Linda's initial excitement turned to concern when she learned that young Stuart's lessons would require a rigorous daily schedule of afternoon lessons. "He has to be at his lesson at 2:00, which is the same time I like to watch Oprah, plus these lessons are really pretty pricey if you ask me, but I guess that's what happens when your son is a natural talent." Hynee has said privately, that she has gone back to work at Walgreens in order make ends meet. "I don't mind giving up my shows and working part time again. And I know that someday Stuart will come to realize how happy he is to be taking these lessons."

Blues Danse Q&A - Which Footwear?

So many people ask me about the correct costuming and protection for the aspiring Blues Danser. Today, the focus of our Q&A is men's footwear. This is actually not a difficult topic because I have very specific recommendations.

First, for basic Blues Grass Dansing, I always insist on Gold Toe brand men's black, over-the calf, basic support hose. I recently saw these on sale in three packs at JC Penney. Always remember; never perform Blues Grass Dansing on wet grass. And to clarify, the three packs of socks actually contain six socks (or three pairs of socks), so I guess that is sort of false advertising, but in a good way.

For Blues Danse on a wooden or linoleum surface, get Danshuz Mens Black Oxford Jazz shoe - model 4412. You can get these from Amazon for under 50 bucks. This shoe was not originally designed for Blues Danse, but it is the best thing currently available. The good news is that I have approached the Danshuz company, proposing my own design. It would be sold as the Potable Waters Signature model. I have not heard back from them yet but I will keep you posted.

This is Pure Gold!

I just had an awesome idea for a TV show that I know everyone will want to watch. I am sure that I could sell this concept to any Network but I do not know how to get a meeting so I am going to post the idea here and maybe someone with Network connections will see it and just might be able to help me out. And, this is officially dated today - 2/23/07 - so that no one can steal my idea. Are you ready? The show will be called:

Extreme Blues Danse Weekend

It is a reality show about an ordinary guy who is a Blues Danser (I would be that guy). The show is basically about my regular life, showing me getting up and doing everything from Danse rehearsals to cooking dinner. The extreme twist is that every Friday evening, a different Victoria's Secret model would show up at my place in a limo with, like, $25,000 and she would spend the night and then we would get up on Saturday and go around in the limo and we would not be able to go home until I spent every penny of that money on all kinds of cool stuff. It would be totally extreme. I am not certain how many Victoria's Secret models there are, but once every one had her turn we would just start back at the top of the list, so no worries about running out of them. And it could even be more money if 25K is not extreme enough. I am flexible on that point.

Men will love the show because of the hot models and all of the cool gadgets that I will be checking out and buying and women will love to get an inside peek at the life of a semi-professional Blues Danser and they can watch me go shopping. So if you have any pull at the Networks, please let them know I am ready to talk business!

Murder is Inexcusable, But Who Didn't See This Coming Eventually?

I was saddened to read about the deaths of these two performers. It is reminiscent of what happened to John Lennon, or maybe more like what happened to Dimebag Darrel. Well, not really like that either. I have known many people who harbor negative feelings about this type of entertainer, but I was still surprised at this story. It certainly makes no mention of them being tap dancers.

Blues Danse Concert Announced

When: Saturday, March 4th at 3:00 PM
Where: Lonny and Beth Tungrotts home
Why: Lonny’s 53rd Birthday
What: Potable Water’s One-Man Birthday Blues Danse Experience

Beth was good enough to think of me when planning Lonny’s big celebration. She's a big fan of Blues Danse. In fact, Beth was a student of mine for over four years until she finally realized that she was just too fond of the pies and cakes and was not willing to maintain the lifestyle that I demand of all my serious students.

Bad News: I saved it for last. Unfortunately, this concert will not be open to the public. So if you want to enjoy the Blues Danse Experince, you’ll have to get yourself invited to Lonny’s party.

Just Let it Die

Understandably, tap dancing has been on the decline for many years. In 1984, a 10-year-old kid named Savion Glover landed the leading role of the Broadway show The Tap Dance Kid. His moves impressed everyone and he has gone on to dance in a number of Broadway performances. He also won a Tony Award for his choreography, yada yada yada. Gregory Hines was the other contemporary tap dancer of note, but he saw the light long ago and branched out into acting before his unfortunate passing. So that leaves this Savion Glover who is still out there, “amazing” the crowds with his super fast tap dance moves. I just want to say, Dude, let it go. Everyone please move on. Tap had its day and now let’s let it die in peace. At this point, it only serves to confuse my audiences who are not savvy enough to recognize that my complex and subtle Blues Danse moves are not tap dance moves and should not be compared to this Glover guy. Sure, his moves have more pizazz but mine are way better. I think the guy is just jealous and that is why he won’t give it a rest. I am really just getting sick of this tap dance crap!

Blues Danse Defined (Part 2)

On Wednesdays we devote a little time to discuss our favorite topic, Blues Danse. Today I will focus on the many similarities between Blues Danse and the Marshal Arts.

To achieve excellence in the marshal arts requires the same level of commitment as that of a Blues Danser. It is more than a hobby or a form of exercise. It should be viewed as a way of life. The similarities between these two disciplines are notable. Both require hours of practice as the individual continually strives to push themselves further. Both recognize that their art informs a multitude of decisions made on a daily basis. Both require the personal involvement of a Master (teacher). But the connection between Blues Danse and Martial Arts that I find most compelling is what I call the Ralph Macchio Factor. Everyone recalls Ralph Macchio’s famous portrayal as Daniel~san in the Karate Kid movies. But what many people fail to remember is that he also portrayed Eugene Martone in the film classic, Crossroads (1986). In this movie, Macchio’s character leaves behind his comfortable life and ventures out in search of the Blues. Now is that just an eerie coincidence, or what?

Dance Review: Sunflower Parade

What is it with these parents all thinking that their children somehow possess some great artistic talent? I was basically coerced by a relative into attending a performance of Sunflower Parade on Saturday at a local church where some two dozen little girls from age 3 to about 7 stumbled and tripped around each other for over one hour and thirty five minutes. All of the parents were saying “how cute”, and clapping and cheering as video cameras whirred away. I am sorry parents, but not only were the girls not talented, but most of them were not even “cute”. These poor children are not served by their parents setting them up for a big fall when they later learn that they are not gifted dancers and no amount of practice is going to change that.

Rating: 6 stars out of 30

Dance Review: Nevermind

Those people in Seattle sure are proud of their Grunge. So now, according to this article, some dance company there thinks that they can enhance the Nirvana experience by leaping around and I guess that will evoke the spirit of Kurt Cobain’s genius or solitude or something. Yeah, that will happen. I checked out their website and the dancers don’t even look the slightest bit grungy to me. If you want to see grungy looking dancers, check out a Blues Danse performance.

I have not seen it but I can’t recommend it.

Rating: 6 stars out of 30

President's Day Performance Postponed

I am sorry to report that this year's Potable Water's One-Man President's Day Blues Danse Experience has been postponed until further notice. The extravaganza has been called off for this coming Monday, due to the fact that my sound engineer and back-up dancer, Matt Samfort, has turned out to be as unreliable as a drunken tap dancer. He says that he has sustained a work-related injury at the dry cleaners but how hard can it be to push the button on a boom box, turn off the lights and maybe dance a few numbers behind me? So I guess the kindly folks over at Golden Days Retirement RV Park will be sitting around in the rec center on Monday afternoon with nothing to do and wondering why the show isn't starting. Thanks Matt. Way to let everyone down!

Blues Danser’s Story Finally To Be Told

According to Reuters, Blues Danse genius Vanilli is finally going to be recognized in a Universal film biography. Vanilli was half of the famous musical duo Milli Vanilli. The Duo’s story would not be worth telling without the amazing back story of the struggles and personal sacrifices made by a young Vanilli as he mastered the art of Blues Danse. Tragically, the producer who created the superstar couple of the early 90’s did not allow Vanilli to incorporate these moves into the mind-numbing, suburban dance routines that they performed in videos and on stage. The article makes no mention of how the Blues Danse chapter of Vanilli’s life will be highlighted in the film, however anyone but a total moron would make this a central theme. I look forward to the film’s release and will post a review here at that time, but for now I am predicting a 6 star rating.

Blues Danse Defined (Part 1)

On Wednesdays we devote a little time to discuss our favorite topic, Blues Danse.

How does one define Blues Danse? As with painting and scrapbooking, it can be difficult to put into words. One must experience the Danse in order to appreciate it, and to grasp its magnificence and subtlety really requires one to participate in the Danse itself. In some ways it is simpler to say what Blues Danse is not. Here is a partial list.

Blues Danse is NOT:

• Tap dancing! (at all)
• Classical
• New Age
• Easy
• Extravagant
• Too Fast
• Too Slow
• Tap-like

That’s about it so far.